i consider myself a pretty apt and astute person when it comes to perceiving things as they are. there are some things in life though, that no matter how prepared you think you are, you will never be completely ready. one of these events is marriage.
i had always been told by other married couples that marriage is work, and it's a full-time job. so if marriage is work, shouldn't we go into this job with the mindset of success? of course we do. is anyone standing at the altar thinking, "oh, i'm gonna be here for 2-3 years tops, after that, i'm out!" no one wants to quit before they start a job. the question we have to ask ourselves when getting into this field is whether or not we want this to be our "occupation" or our "profession?"
what is the difference between an occupation and profession you ask? good question, i answered this one on my continuing education test for my CA life insurance renewal test today. a profession is set apart by formal and informal education. so what the heck does this mean for marriage? it means, we either can set ourselves into marriage with the intent of being proficient or just take a stab at it and hope we're good enough on our own.
we go through life learning how to be successful in different roles based on several criteria, for marriage i think there are a couple that stand out for this metaphor. when we decide to be professional husbands or wives, it takes a commitment towards seeking outside examples of success (1), education (2) and assistance (3). every successful person in the world, no matter what the scenario, had role models that they looked up to. they also had to learn the tools and keys to success. lastly, they had assistance and help from others close to them.
(1) role models to understand model roles - everyone needs one. where we find them might be hard, at first, but not impossible. maybe your parents aren't the perfect example of a great marriage, but if they are, well then you have a head start on the rest of us. we need to "actively" pursue practical examples of proficiently efficient marriages. learning from those who have "made it" will help us believe that we can too.
(2) education - nothing witty for this one sorry. education is a huge key to understanding any subject of life, but in the words of Oscar Wilde, "Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." true wisdom comes from learning beyond knowledge. i could know all about how a marriage works, and the effort it takes to keep it intact, but this does not translate to me being a perfect worker in my marriage. it is through a transition of knowledge to practical wisdom that we can implement habitual actions and reactions that will keep our marriages a success. i implore those of you in a marriage, and those of you not yet married, please seek out education on how relationships work. begin to understand that love is not just a heart-felt, goey emotion that you get around someone you care about. it is a "conscious" and ever consistent denial of selfishness, for the greater good of someone else.
(3) lastly, the ass... "assistance" that is! (lame i know, but its 1 am, give me a lil break) - assistance gives us twofold help. one, it means that we are admitting that we need help. admitting that we need help, God forbid, means that we dont know everything and perhaps, despite popular belief, other people may be a bit more apt and astute than us. secondly, it gives us help! who woulda thought of the obvious. but there's more to this "help" when we reveal our vulnerablilty, it lets others into our life, our sticky and messy life. we all have messy lives, most of us just dont admit it. when others come in and help, it gives us a form of confidence that we cannot conjure up in any other way. no one should try to journey this life alone, that would be crazy making!
this is quite a longer post than my last, so i will wrap it up. i only have 3 PE's for ya'll this week.
(1) ask your partner if they know of any "role model marriages" that they know of, and if so, do they think it would be ok to have dinner with them and chat about "how they do it." then the next week, you think of a couple that you had in your mind and have dinner with them. (if you're single and still reading this post, i applaude you. do the 2nd half of this one. think of a married couple you know who are successfully married, be brave, and talk to them about their marriage.) *successfully married people love to talk about their marriage just like businessmen love to talk about their business.
(2) find a book, a marrital class, something of some educational standard that you think may help you understand marriage better. if you're feeling really brave, ask your spouse to pick one for you. if you want a recommendation here's a book that we learned about in premarital counseling "The Five Love Languages." You might have already heard of it, but we both really recommend it.
(3) for this one, you should really sit down with your spouse and talk about maybe just one thing, for now, that your marriage needs help on. it could be anything, finances (oh the joy of mixing funds!), sex, the lack of, quality time, etc. after you figure out a weak point, think of someone or a couple who you think "has it together" on this issue. if you cant think of anyone, ask a friend if they know of anyone. be bold, dont just give up because you cant think of someone, or its awkward, or you dont want them to know about the problem. suck it up and take your life and marriage seriously. if you loved your job but were going to lose it because you weren't good at a specific task, i would hope you'd ask for help.
a happy wife is a happy life...
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1 comment:
Nicely done. Occupation and profession was a great way to describe it.
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